Minimum Speed Limits Aren't Just for Highways

We (royal "we", getting ready for Emperor-speak) are at a loss to explain what happens to people in grocery stores.

Is there some sort of Grand Canyon/Niagara Falls/Rocky Mountains/Pebble Beach type of stunning vista attached to aisles of sugared cereals extending to distant horizons?

Do those Kmart-blue lights effect a hypnotic trance in some people?

Are people's lives so empty that a visit to Costco is such a highlight that it needs to be extended maximally?

When I grocery shop I usually have a list and something much more interesting to do next.  I understand that lists can blind one to new discoveries (in hardware and stationery stores as well as grocery emporiums), but I can also "do the aisles" at a reasonable pace.

My mother, at an age when getting up from the chair was difficult and canes or walkers were involved, when put behind a shopping cart on Seniors' Tuesday (free tea & cookies) at the Safeway, would be off like a shot.

Before I could even find her she would 4-wheel-drift into the checkout line, full to the gunnels.  I have no idea how the old girl could hump a case of Niblets into the cart, but when the pantry inventory was down to only 48 cans you just did what you had to do.

Anyway, why do so many of today's shoppers slow their gait to a bare shuffle?  And why do they stop -- usually 2 or 3 across -- in the middle of aisles and intersections.

Their blank visage often shows no discernible thought of any kind, let alone a crisis of direction or indecision. Certainly they seem totally unaware of others behind them who are only in this aisle as a short-cut to the huge jars of martini olives that are the penultimate item on the list.

Why do I seem to be the only one keeping to the right, shoulder-checking, looking both ways at intersections. If carts had turn signals -- and they should -- I would use them.

Upon coronation, there will be licencing and enforcement. No licence, you will pay for a caddy/chauffer.  I'm open to opinions on punishments/fines for the licensed who nonetheless commit egregious violations, though I believe nothing less than expulsion will suffice for unattended carts in mid-aisle.